I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
