I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
