I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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