It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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