I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
