I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
