Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
