Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
