what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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