She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
