Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
