Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
