I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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