Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
