Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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