My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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