***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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