The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
