Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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