Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
