Don't make out with my wife yet
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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