dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
