Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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