I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
