i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
