so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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