And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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