I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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