I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
