That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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