dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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