i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
