She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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