Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize