I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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