God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
