Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
