if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
