no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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