return my video game
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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