looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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