used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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