I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize