First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
