I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
