wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
