Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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