it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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