i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
