i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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