3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
