This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
