if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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