I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
