Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
