My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
