this boner is exhausting
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
