I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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