What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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