I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
