i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
