Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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