All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
