When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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