he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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