Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
