i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
